Little Orphan Heather

I need a fatherly hug.  One that makes you feel like a little girl again and that you are safe only the way you feel wrapped in your daddy's arms.  The thing is, I will never get another Daddy hug again.  This really bothers me.  My Dad passed away a little over 5 years ago and it still hurts.  I am sad, but not for him.  He is in a better place and is no longer suffering like he did most of his adult life.  I am sad for me.  Sad that I can't call him up and say Hi.  Sad that I can't have a daddy hug, sad that my favorite fishing buddy is gone.  There are so many little things that I miss.  So today, I am sad and will allow myself this feeling for a little while.  Then I will smile, wipe the tears and face today and the future head on.  Just remember if I have that sad far away look or seem a little down, I am Little Orphan Heather.....

Grandpa

So, the holidays are fast approaching.  It has been awhile since I have shared anything and so I thought that I would rant.  My Grandpa passed away, he had prostate cancer.  I knew that he was ill and was able to make a trip to see him.  But, then he passed away and I found out be reading it on Facebook....yes on Facebook.  No phone call, no email, no text....I read it on my cousins post.  She thanked everyone for their prayers and wanted her friends to know that he had went to be with the Lord several hours earlier.  How can people be so cruel? Then I debated on going to the funeral and finally decided that I would.  Driving to the funeral which was an hour away, we get pulled over and get a ticket and that puts us behind schedule and then we have a blow out.  By the time we get the tire fixed and get to the funeral it is long over with. So, I feel bad that we missed the funeral, but part of me wonders if it is a blessing in disguise.  I ws just not in a position to deal with the drama that could have been between my Uncle and My Husband and I.  So, when we had the blow out I took it as a sign that it was not meant to be...Does this make me a bad person?  Or am I just finally learning to stand up for myself a little?

Just Me and my ramblings....

I just learned that my Great Uncle Passed away....yet I did not cry.  I feel sad...sad for the family and sad for myself that I do not feel something more.  It is hard for me to feel anymore.  Ever since my Dad passed away and his side of the family all turned on me.  It hurt me so bad and deep that the little things I just shrug my shoulders at like they are no big deal.  How did I get to the point that I am this cold and heartless. I use to cry at the littlest thing and now...I don't.  I have lost a piece of me and what is left is cold and hard.  Will I ever get back to the person that I use to be?  The person that smiled all the time, the person that felt like the world could be a happy place.  I am tired of walking around in this fog....

I thought the Calendar said it was spring?!?!?!?!?!

So...here it is Spring or so the calendar says it is anyway and we walk out of the lumber store where we have been looking at stuff for the yard and the garden I have decide I want to have this year and it is snowing!  I don't mean little barely there flakes either.  I am talking HUGE flakes...this is just crazy.  I am wearing Flip Flops and my first Pedi of the season on Saturday and Sunday it is SNOWING!!!  Mother Nature sure seems to be a little Bi-Polar this year...

Really?

You are going to lie to me for over a month and tell me that you quit smoking and all this time you have been sneaking around and buying cigarettes and saying the charges from the debit card are for gas, oil, Antifreeze and any thing else you can come up with?  Then when I grab lunch out becasue I forgot my lunch at home you are going to throw a fit.  OMG.  Grow up.  Then yell and scream at me about spending money and threaten to quit your second job and say you are not going to work 2 jobs for me to go out and blow a bunch of money.  Excuse me?  I work too and in case you haven't looked at the checking account lately, my one FULL TIME job still brings in twice as much as your 2 jobs.  So, get over yourself you are nothing special.  I am sick and tired of you acting like I should bow down and kiss your butt just becasue you are working 2 jobs.  If you would have not laid off work so much and had such a bad attitude you would still have your 1 job that paid you 3x the amount that you are making now.  You made your choices then and now you have to live with the consequences.  So, quit your jobs if you want.  But, you had better figure out a way to support your secret smoking habit, because I sure won't be the one paying for it!

The beginning of Random-ness

Good Morning Life  :  )
I have decided that I need a place to vent, scream and bare my soul.  I can not afford therapy and so this will just have to do.  I look forward to sharing my life lessons with everyone.